Category: stupid

“Hi, I’ve booked a 3 hour session today for a foot waxing.” “OK, what’s the name?” “Baggins.”

Tip: Elderly ladies; Ensure maximum delay for motorists by in the high street by conducting conversations beside zebra crossings.

I’ve been growing a beard for around 6 weeks now. It looks really strange nestled in between my tomato plants.

Omar Sharif is going to appear in EastEnders as Alfie Moon’s distant uncle from Wandsworth. They meet when Omar stops at the arches because his car horn is constantly going off. His character will be named Tooting Car Moon

Have you ever wondered how stupid a balloon seller feels in the high street when he’s down to his last balloon?

I met a girl in a club last night and I said, “Can I buy you a bag of Mini Cheddars?” She replied, “Don’t you mean a drink?” I said , “No, I’m not into cheesy chat up lines.”

Statistically, 1/2 people will die in a fight to the death.

I was driving along the other day when I saw this sign .. ‘Police Aware, witnesses required for fatal accident here on Sunday’ … I just might turn up for that.

If at first you don’t sucseed… succeedd… suxeedd… sucks… Oh I give up!

With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, its worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week. larry Laprise, the man who wrote ‘The hokey Kokey”, died peacefully at the age of 93. The most traumatic part for his family was […]

I just opened an engineering workshop in Texas. I can’t believe my luck in discovering oil on my first day. My machines have never ran so smooth.

When I buy my lottery tickets I usually throw them into the bushes outside the shop. My Dad taught me to hedge my bets.

As I was struggling to look through my variety box of hot chocolate drinks, I suddenly realised: Failure is not an Option.

Ive always been looking for the best definition of Irony. And then I realised there is one everywhere and its so simple. A newspaper called ‘The Sun’ in Scotland.

I saw my neighbour under his car bonnet with another bloke. I shouted across ”Broken down again has she!” He looks up and indignantly says ”No, I’m selling it.”