Category: stupid

I bought a new pair of running shoes yesterday but as soon as I got them home they were off.

How many women does it take to tile a roof? 12 if you slice them thin enough.

“He’s got his eye on you,” I said to my female friend in the pub. “Oh, who do you mean?” she giggled. “Cyclops.”

My mate told me he’s a lead singer. He stands on top of churches choir singing.

A little example of how silly some of us Irish are… Waiting at a bus stop in Dublin, two girls beside me were having a conversation in our native but rarely used language, Irish. Hearing this, another Dublin man walks past and tells them to “go back to your own bleedin’ country!” We’ve a lot […]

I’ve invested all my life savings in a new sat nav product. We’ll see where it gets me.

I used to think I had schizophrenia… But then I realized that’s what the voices want me to think.

I just took the morning-after pill and nothing. It’s still Wednesday.

To me Osama Bin Laden’s death is just like the royal wedding. As long as we get a day off I really couldn’t care why.

I was contemplating asking my imaginary girlfriend if she fancied a threesome. She said “Don’t even think about it!”

After seeing the Rossetta Stone TV ad about learning a new language I thought I would give it a go, knowing I could return it in 6 months if it didn’t work. After a while I rang them and demanded a refund, explaining how it isn’t working and that I spend hours every day trying […]

Hosepipe ban for households. Watercannons likely to be used by police. All welcome to join the protest on my front lawn.

What’s green and let’s you go where you want? Permit the frog.

Whenever I take a girl home from a club, I can keep them up all night. I just slip a gram of speed into their drink.

I’m a ventriloquist. I do gigs in two price scales; for the cheap one, I bring a mime dummy.