Category: stupid

I was watching T.V yesterday when my Mom said, “Stop slacking off and start revising for your exams.” I replied, “I’m revising for my Procrastination exam right now”.

I got a court-martial on my first day in the navy for having a cheeky cigarette out of the window. Plus I have to pay for the submarine to be recovered.

I don’t know why England are expected to win tonight. Bulgaria are clearly better at quidditch.

The other day I was reading my emails and there was one from my boss, it said; “Mr. Morgan I regret to inform you that although I thought this company could tolerate your ADD, I’m afraid you’re just not productive enough. You may turn up Wednesday to collect your things. I sincerely hope you will […]

My dog looks silly when he runs around chasing his tail. I think throwing him a stick, would be more normal.

My pregnant friend went to the emergency room the other day. The next time I saw her she cried and said she lost the baby. I said “Okay, calm down. Where’s the last place you saw it.”

How stupid are the KKK? I think their costumes should also come in black and brown to evade any unneeded accusations that their organisation might be racist.

Today, I was cleaning the garage and found our old christmas lights. I noticed that the label said “for indoor and outdoor use only”. I’m still wondering how anyone could possibly break this rule.

My girlfriend thought she was funny and bought me a poster of Justin Bieber. It’s okay though, I’m playing darts more then ever.

Lana Del Ray sings ‘Videogame’. Videogame experts are excited by this song because they finally get to hear what a woman’s voice sounds like.

What’s white but not aware of it yet? Tim Westwood.

Great, a petrol shortage… How will I fill my Zippo up.

What’s the point in those universal t.v remotes, I only want to change channels here on earth.

I may not know much about sport or geography, but if England can only beat Belgium by one try to nil, what chance have we got against the other African teams in the Ashes?

Apparently I need foot surgery. But I would prefer the doctor to use his hands.