Category: stupid

If I had a pound for every time I leave something unfinished,

My wife said my inability to keep secrets would get me into real trouble one of these days. So I strangled her and buried her under the patio.

One of the really hot girls in the office approaches me while I’m getting a coffee and the conversation goes like this: Her: “Macca, bit of a random question for you.” Me: “Go on…” Her: “I want to go on holiday in October.” Me: “Right…” Her: “Whereabouts is it still hot in October, coz I […]

I’ve just got a 42inch Sony TV worth 1200, its buy now pay in January 2013, but I have a crafty plan up my sleeve. I’l get it for free, as the world will end December 21, 2012, fingers crossed.

I aked someome if I could play with his Rophynol He replied: ” Sure, Knock yourself out”

My mate got killed by a quadrapalegic last night. I warned him not to pick a fight with a Boa Constrictor.

When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

Simons Trumpet business has become bankrupt He knew that he had blown it.

I found two completly identical pairs of odd socks today, how unlucky is that?

I left my front door ajar last night. It’s not much but I want everything in my house to get something in my will.

I’ve decided Im going to start using big words to sound clever. I mean, I’M GOING TO USE BIG WORDS TO SOUND CLEVER.

My boss asked me to pack up my desk and go. I said, “Have you got a screwdriver?”

Why did the British immigration officer stop an American girl from entering the country? Because amongst all the thousands flooding in today, she was the only one who could understand English.

Just heard that today is International Women’s Day. I think that it’s brilliant that there’s now a whole day to celebrate incompetence.

I managed to get my name in the Guinness Book of Records today. I wrote it on the inside cover with a pen.