Category: stupid

Every night when I’m putting my cigarette out in the back yard I think, what a stupid name for a cat.

Just watched ‘never ending slide tackle by Sol Campbell’ on You Tube. The video is 13 seconds long.

My wife wanted to go out with her friends last night, but she couldn’t get a babysitter. So she stayed in and watched the telly, whilst I sat there drawing on the wall with a crayon.

I have just found myself a bargain… A Bugatti Veyron for only 695k. Trouble is, its in Southampton and the train is so expensive these days!

I saw a fit bird on beach yesterday. Nicked one of my chips and flew off before I knew it.

I got arrested for indecent exposure, which I thought was a bit harsh, as I was only wearing a pair of underpants. They really do keep your head nice and warm.

You know you’ve been in the bath too long when you get out and you look like Bruce Forsyth.

Earlier in the week, I saw a sign saying, ‘Tiredness can kill’. I’m finding it very hard, but I haven’t yawned in 4 days.

I went to a village shop earlier, but they’d sold out. So I bought a small town instead.

Students, cause chaos in your town. Wait until you spot some young lads from the council digging up the road. Call the police and tell them there are some students, dressed as roadworkers, digging up the road for a bet. Then approach the roadworkers, and tell them that some students, dressed as policemen, are going […]

I saw the strangest thing in the mall : A concrete escalator. It wasn’t working though.

My wife called me a fat loser. I almost filed a complaint on her gamertag.

Liverpool’s trophy cabinet contains more Disney memorabilia than a warehouse in Florida!

Just installed the new parking device on my car. It sprays black paint on the road as I pull up so I never have to worry about double yellow lines.

My wife says she’s leaving me because I can never think of anything to say.