Category: stupid

Did you know that when you stick your left index finger in your right nostril, it’s impossible to say “gullible”?

I took my friend who has leprosy for a fish pedicure last week. Not seen him since…

My wife is always playing around and pulling out my chest hair, She hates it when I do it back

How do you get a one-armed man off the monkey bars? Hit him with an axe.

What’s Buzz Aldrin’s favorite sweet? A Polo.

I just called Cancer Research and said, “I would like to take part in your next Race For Life event dressed as a chicken.” “Sorry, sir” she replied, “But you have to be a woman.” “No way” I said, “It’s a chicken or nothing.”

Someone threw a rock at me today and hit my spine. So I threw one at them and got my own back. Don’t know how I managed that…

A sub has reached the world’s deepest place. I had no idea Fernando Torres was dating Katie Price!

My dad always said to me, “If you’re ever approached by a group of kids asking for your money, just punch the biggest one as hard as you can, the others will soon run off!” I tried this today. It worked, but I was arrested. Apparently the local scouts weren’t trying to mug me.

I can’t afford a pair of trousers, so I just bought one.

When I was younger I used to get bullied all the time. My mum would say: “Don’t worry love, everybody gets stronger and harder the older they get, it’ll be ok.” After all these years I decided to see if it was true, so earlier I picked a fight. Big mistake. It seems not everyone […]

I’m feeling a bit under the weather at the moment. Maybe I should just go back indoors.

I poured a can of soda on my wife’s breast before sucking on them during foreplay. It didn’t help because they were still flat.

I promised my vegetarian wife that I’d never eat a dead animal again. It was a silly promise and I wish I’d never made it. I can’t begin to tell you how difficult it is to eat a duck while it’s flapping its wings.

The note on the table read “Left you for a better life. You don’t work, you don’t help round the house and you take no interest in what I’m doing.” So I left her a note “Just going down the pub. Back in time for me dinner.”