Category: stupid

You know those times where you really get a great deal? Well, I just got the bargain of a life-time. Not to brag, but earlier I managed to swindle one of those cuddle little meerkats for 1834 and recieved a year’s free car insurance! Bargain..

My wife says I’m too picky, she’s always calling me “President of the Pedantic Society” I hate it, she knows full well that I’m vice president.

After a lot of interest, I had a concrete offer made for my car last night. I turned it down though. I’ve decided to wait until someone offers me cash.

Some crocodiles can grow up to 14 feet… But usually they only have 4!

I was at this children’s fair when I saw this dirty old man with his hand down the front of his trousers staring right at me. I was disgusted. So I left the hall of mirrors.

I went to my local Market this morning and saw a stall with a sign saying ‘We Can Unblock Mobile Phones For Just 5.’ So I walked up to the bloke and said, “Can you unblock my phone?” He said, “It depends, what is it?” I said, “I’m not sure, I think it’s a mixture […]

My wife came home from shopping earlier and said “I know your going to go mad because it was a few pence more, but I’ve just filled the car up with that new designer petrol they’re selling down the road”. “Designer petrol?” I asked. “Your not into your fashion brands are you?” she smirked. “That […]

I installed an electric shower at the weekend. It’s invigorating enough, but in hindsight I wish I’d have kept the traditional water one.

“You could’ve warned me meeting your parents for the first time was going to be like this!” said my new girlfriend. “Calm down, love!” I replied. “I can’t help them being like they are.” “But I’ve badgered you for weeks! Bought shoes, a new dress and spent a fortune on my hair… You know all […]

We were in the pub playing pool for cash and I asked my mate if he was in, he said “no thanks, I bet I’m the only one here that doesn’t gamble.”

My wife has just announced that she is pregnant with Quads. I can’t wait, I’ve always wanted to drive one of those.

As I looked out the window, I watched my wife come in to land. I smiled to myself and thought, “I knew she hadn’t packed that parachute right!”

Gillette have released a new ‘My First Shave’ razor for teenagers. It’s called Sellotape.

Nothing’s stopping me from showing up to jury duty tomorrow wearing rollerblades , a pink g-string and a cape with one ball out.

For the first time this year, the Paralympics will also have categories for people with psychological problems. I’m looking forward to the boxing matches. “In the Blue corner, we have someone with clinical depression. And in the Red corner, a self-harmer.”