Category: stupid

I think our boss got ripped off when he bought the fire extinguishers for work. They said “For use on any fire”, but as soon as I threw one on the fire, it just exploded.

I’d chain my wife to the bed if it stopped her getting involved in bondage.

“Is my Dad here yet?” I asked entering the chippy. “He reckons you’ve great fish and chips and he’s been coming here for months.” “I’m sorry, what’s his name?” she replied. “Oh it’s Pete Smith but you won’t know him.” I said. “But I thought you said he’s been coming here for months?” “I did! […]

I’ve been topping up my tan today. Its amazing what you can bottle these days.

I got an email from some Irish guy telling me I’ve won 1 Million Euro on the Irish Lottery and that all I need to do now is email him my bank details. I’ve emailed him my details but the jokes on him because I don’t even play the Irish Lottery. What an idiot.

I went to my son’s open day at his school this morning. I couldn’t believe that his English teacher was a Paki. I had visions of walking to the playing fields and seeing Stephen Hawking teaching PE.

I made a good point at work today, and impressed my boss. I love working at the arrow factory.

Since getting fired recently, I’ve been hired to locate and hunt down the head of Apple. So far, I’ve been unsuccessful. Still, as long as they pay me my Jobs seeker allowance I’ll keep looking.

3 Blind Mice go into a pub, they are unaware of their surroundings so to derive humour from it would be exploitative.

Did you know two months ago I couldn’t even spell latency.

I was in the bookies today, and I was quite surprised when my horse came in. A bloke I was chatting to, asked if he could give him a stroke.

I’ve started a hate campaign against people who don’t like other people.

Feather jokes tickle me.

I fell off a 50ft ladder yesterday… luckily I was on the bottom step.

I can’t believe how much money people spend on buying patterned toilet paper. A felt tip pen and normal toilet paper works out much cheaper.