Category: stupid

I’m going to a fancy dress party tonight. The invitation says ‘Bring A Bottle’ It’s almost as if they knew that I was going as a baby.

A young man watched an old American Indian at a state fair, the old Indian was charging 5 dollars a time for a special challange- if he couldn’t tell you where you were from just by looking at you he’d give you 50 dollars. The young man saw a cowboy try his luck first. The […]

It’s Halloween. Just as it was exactly a year ago, on this very day. Spooky!

I’ve been really worried since I went to see a psychic yesterday. She told me to make sure I’m wearing clean underwear next Tuesday.

My mates stupid, he keeps his PIN number stored in his phone under ‘CARD PIN’ I prefer to keep mine folded up in my wallet, That way if I ever lose my phone im safe.

I asked my friend to rob my house while I was at work for an insurance claim. I was mortified to arrive back only to find my wife and kids sitting where our home used to be.

I’ve just posted a 1500 cheque to Nigeria to release the 15 million lottery I won there….. See ya later SUCKERS!

The girl I’m seeing at the moment has got some funny ideas in her head… Like gluing the cat to the ceiling.

I’ve been sitting here for hours trying to figure out why I can’t sleep. To make matters worse I’m also running out of coffee.

I saw an old lady knock over a black girl today. The black girl was laying unconcious in the road so I ran over and gave her mouth to mouth. Well, it was actually a snog and a high 5, me & the old lady had a right laugh.

I couldn’t get my new Freeview receiver working today so I phoned the shop. “Have you connected the box to your TV?” he asked. “No,” I replied, “I squashed it and put it for recycling.”

Mechanic: “Would you like me to winterize your car?” Customer: “First, summerize the cost.

I’ve recently started having visits from a hypnotist to help cure my agoraphobia, but I’m not sure it’s working. At the end of each session, he clicks his fingers and says, “And now you’re back in the room.”

I got fired from my job as a children’s entertainer. I simply misread the the guide book. My act of bending animals into the the shape of balloons scared some of the children.

Some bloke knocked on my door last night. He said, “I live around the corner and my daughter has lost her cat, you haven’t seen her have you?” I said, “What does she look like?” He said, “Quite a chubby little thing, about 6 years old, Ginger hair, walks with a limp?” I said, “Yeah, […]