Category: stupid

I was sat in a dressing room last night.. There was vinegarette everywhere!

I saw a sign saying ‘wet paint’ on the library wall and decided to do my good deed for the day… And threw a bucket of water at the wall.

Sometimes when I’m bored I like to fill my bath up with water and turn on the shower so I can pretend I’m in a submarine that just got hit.

Even though I don’t know my Father, I’ve always looked up to him… He keeps climbing buildings in a superhero costume.

A light aircraft crashed into a school last night. It was a textbook landing.

My nan phoned me yesterday and said, “Would you mind walking to the shops and bringing me back a sausage roll from the bakers?” I said, “Why can’t you do it?” She said, “Because it’s too hot”. I said, “Well wear some gloves then”.

Last Halloween my son went as Humpty Dumpty. When somebody asked for a trick, I picked him up and threw him through their window.

After my wife disappeared,police said I should call them if I hear anything. A minute later I called them back because I could hear the neighbour’s dog barking.

I walked into a pub and said to the barman, “Where’s the ladies mate?” He said, “Just around the corner, on your left.” 30 seconds later I went back and said, “They must’ve gone mate, there’s only toilets around there.”

Today my girlfriend accused me of being Samuel Eto’o. I nearly dropped my banana.

I found some cash in a bush tonight, so naturally I picked it out. And thats why I am now barred from the strippers.

Just seen the facebook status ‘cnt w8 4 th wknd bt y cnt th wknd b lnger?’ So I left a comment saying ‘It can be longer; the weekend.’

What’s yellow and grows on an apple tree? A silly banana.

I was watching a programme about bungee jumping into crocodiles when the host said, “Don’t attempt this at home”. Which was annoying as I’d just tied the cord from the roof and got the paddling pool ready.

Top Recession Busting Tip: Dont waste your money on an ‘A to Z’ when you only ever go from A to B anyway.