Category: stupid

My friend told me you couldn’t convey sarcasm on the internet. That wasn’t obvious.

I was about to make myself a cup of herbal tea, when the a voice came from the box of tea bags next it.. ‘What you doing sucker! That aint no drink for a man! Make yourself a man’s drink fool!’ I think it must have been one of those Mr T Bags

bbc sport news: No transfer Rush, says Ferguson! To be fair, you are a rock band!

I took my three year old son to Tesco today. As we approached the entrance he wanted to go on one of those rides, you know the ones, you put a pound in and watch them sit in it until they get bored. Anyway, after a couple of minutes he eventually got bored, so I […]

I’ve just cycled 5km in the gym. Probably should have used one of those exercise bikes though.

A policeman randomly stopped me in the street last night. He said, “Before I search you sir, do you have anything on you that you shouldn’t have?” I said, “Yes, I’m wearing my nans bra.”

Second world war bomb found in wardrobe. When did they find the first?

I was playing cards on my computer earlier, when I had a sudden thought. I should really get a table.

The wife and I were in Homebase. “I’m sure I’ve forgotten something”, she said as she stood in the aisle checking her shopping list. “Toilet duck”, I said “Don’t be stupid”, she replied, “We’ve got some at home and they don’t sell it in Homebase”. Then I threw a toilet at her.

“What colour is a ginger persons poo, dad?” Asked my son. “Honestly Michael,” I replied shaking my head in disbelief, “Sometimes I wonder if you’re really my son? A ginger persons poo is red of course.”

Just found out that my dog’s got worms. I’d been looking for that game for months!

I decided it was time for a change, We cant do this anymore, time for you to go up. Anywhere in which you will feel no male dominance from me, I said to my wife. Fine then, she said. The next morning though as I left to go to work I wasn’t very happy to […]

I like to dress up in a poodle costume and go searching for chocolate and coconut treats. I like to think I’m Dog the Bounty Hunter.

I was sitting in the pub with some bloke last night when he said, “I’m going to buy you a large whiskey and I want you to knock it back.” “Ok” I replied. As he put it on the table I said, “No thanks mate, I don’t want it.”

Waiting outside my front door with my pants around my ankles, waiting for the Google Street View car to come past.