Category: stupid

I was moved today when watching ‘KONY 2012’ video with my family. Apparently I was in the way of the TV.

I was feeling quite childish yesterday upon mounting a bike for the first time in years. My mate looked at me and bet me 8 beers I couldn’t pull a wheelie. I got the front up off the floor and it was going great until I pulled backwards to much and tipped it. Now I’m […]

I try to tell blind people that their seeing eye dogs don’t love them the same way they do. They keep leading them on.

I’m scared of heights. Which is why I never measure myself.

Rather than run the risk of being known as one of ‘those’ multi-millionaires, I bought this very generous chap’s common sense for fifty million pounds. We’ll see who’s laughing now.

I was walking out of Asda when a guy with a Vodaphone jacket approached me “excuse me Sir, who is your mobile phone with?” I replied “It’s with me, in my pocket” as I briskly walked out the door.

I was sitting in the window seat of the aeroplane when I thought “They look like ants down there”. Then I realised that they probably were as we hadn’t taken off yet.

My mate set me up on a blind date last night. He called me this morning and said, “So, what happened?” I replied, “We had a nice meal in a restaurant, afterwards we went for a few drinks in a pub and then we took the bus home.” “How did you both get on?” he […]

My girlfriend said I should grow up and stop taking her so literally. But I’m 26 and stopped growing 8 years ago so how am I meant to do that?

Apparently Morrissey left the UK because he thought there were too many foreigners here. Not sure what he expected to find elsewhere.

What’s yellow and sits in the corner? Naughty bulldozer.

Ever since acquiring my u-shaped binoculars things really have been looking up.

I jumped into a taxi and shouted, “Follow that car!” I chuckled to myself because it’s something I’ve always wanted to do, but then I started to feel a bit silly. So after a few moments of silence, I put the key in the ignition and set off to my first pick up.

My son just told me what my wife had got me for my birthday ‘as a prank’. A broken trumpet. I didn’t like the sound of that..

I only drink beer to celebrate major events, such as the fall of communism… … or the fact that our fridge is still working.