Category: stupid

I’ve just settled something I’ve wondered for years. After spending 6 hours in A&E I can safely confirm that Viennetta trays are not made of chocolate.

My Parrot is naked, upset and 5.50 richer. Who raffled his feathers?

When I was a kid my dad wouldn’t let me wear trainers. He took his job of being a bouncer far to serious.

The Doctor has just told my wife the fact that she awakes suddenly at 7am every morning is nothing to worry about. I said “Well there’s no reason for alarm then”

I tried to tune my guitar by ear and it was really hard. Probably should have used my hands.

I am sick and tired of being told that I’m worthless and will never achieve anything. People forget that I once held the record for the world’s youngest baby

I don’t want to come across lame but, One of my legs has stopped working.

I’ve just seen a demonstration by at least 500 people in London. God knows how many will turn up for the real thing.

I was going to post a question on Yahoo Answers, asking what show’s on BBC1 at 5:15 on weekdays at the moment- but in the end I decided it was Pointless.

As the pharmacist handed me my antibiotics he said, “You mustn’t drink while taking them.” “That’s a challenge” I thought, as the first one I tried to swallow got lodged in my throat.

My boss said he’s going to fire me if I don’t show him some evidence of my productivity. Tomorrow I’m bringing the kids into work.

I’m one of the lawyers in a messy divorce. He’s citing her affair with Mr Tickle as grounds.

I decided to treat myself to a whole new bedroom. Scanning the back of the delivery van I saw my brand new wardrobe, my desk, and my bedside table but something was missing. The driver didn’t need to tell me what it was. He was giving me his “bed to come” eyes.

“Don’t crawl under our tree in a thunderstorm!” my old mum used to shout and she was right. One day I broke her bonsai.

What a perfect day to sit down on a bench and crack open a nice cold beer… I got some funny looks from the other gym members though.