Category: stupid

Why did the postman cross the road? To deliver my post to the wrong house. Again.

My dad says there’s no money in fishing. He will be surprised when he sees I managed to make over a thousand pound selling all of his equipment.

I was at the dentist’s getting my teeth checked up, and he asked me where I was from, I could only reply “llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch” I hate living in Wales.

A barman walks into the stables. “Why the long face?”, asks the horse. “It’s because you don’t visit me anymore”, says the barman.

I poached an egg this morning. I shot it with my air rifle.

Some people hate waking up and getting out of bed. I enjoy it. I do it three or four times a day.

As a teacher I love the holidays I get, but I remember looking at the calendar last year thinking ‘how am I going to fill six weeks?’ It was easier than I thought. I used a felt tip.

I’ve just injected myself with a lethal dose of Heroin mixed with Nitrous Oxide. At least I’ll die laughing.

The wife just asked, “What’s that pile of clothes doing on the kitchen floor?” I said, “It’s a dead Jedi.”

What did the blonde do when she missed the number 44 bus?? Got the 22 twice.

What type of computer viruses can be found on a duck’s computer? Mallardware

I sometimes bring stuff home with me if I’ve had a bad day at my job. That’s the problem with working for a glue company.

Sometimes, I like sitting out in the garden and just have a few beers and a spliff amongst my wife’s collection of stone figurine garden decorations. I guess I just enjoy chillin’ with my gnomies.

When my teacher wrote me a report saying that I’d never make anything of my life, I vowed that one day I would make him eat his words. I finally had that opportunity last week and I kept my teenage promise. I have to confess that it left me feeling a little hollow though; something […]

Two delivery men were carrying a large piano up 21 floors when one man said to the other -“I’ve got some good news and some bad news. The good news is we’re on the 21st floor” -“okay what’s the bad news?” -“we’re in the wrong building”