Category: stupid

BMW is going to invest over 250m in three mini factories in the UK. This will secure the jobs of over 5,000 dwarves, Munchkins and Oompa-Loompas.

I turned up at Dragon’s Den earlier in full armour with a broadsword. They looked just as confused as I was.

My new girlfriend is so demanding and she only yells at me when she needs something. Like, “I’m hungry!”, “I need a drink!” or “Please let me go mister, I promise I won’t tell anyone about this!”

I was sat for hours, rubbing two small sticks together in an attempt to make a fire. Thinking back, It probably would have been easier and quicker to just strike the matches.

I went to see the doctor because I couldn’t remember anything. I thought it was amnesia. Turns out I just have a really boring life.

My dad said to me “In life son there will be a lot of people you look up to”. I said “How do you know?” He said “Because you’re so short”.

Ashley Cole cheats on Cheryl Cole. Cheryl Cole gets malaria. Didier Drogba, who is Ashley Cole’s teammate, also gets malaria. Daz: the soap you can believe in.

I’ve brought one of those shower cubicles which can withstand 40,000 bangs before it will shatter. I am not happy… I only hit it 39,456 times and it smashed.

I don’t understand Super Mario. Bowser kidnaps his girlfriend dozens of times, and yet he still invites him go-karting.

I woke up this morning and found that my hair had turned green and my nose was bright red. I must have slept funny.

YOLO. Carpe Diem for stupid people.

I’ve decided to become a Baggie collector… My Dad thinks I’m losing the pot.

I had a big row with the wife last night. She said, “You don’t love me anymore full stop!” I said, “You’re wrong – I don’t love you anymore exclamation mark!”

Criminals in Dublin are trembling in fear of the new addition to the city’s law enforcement. Rob O’Cop.

As I sat on the edge of the bed pulling off my boxers, my wife looked at me and said, “Please don’t do that to the dogs.”