Category: stupid

I going to a speed reading course later. The course starts at 19:00 and finishes at 19:05.

So a midget walks under a bar…

I think the dipstick in my car is wearing out. It doesn’t reach the oil anymore.

It turns out, if you lay out every book in a Waterstones branch, you get thrown out by security.

“It’s Raining Men…” … I commented, as I gazed out of the Masonic Hall’s window.

I killed a huge mouse when I was on a family holiday last week. It could talk and everything… That’s the last time we’re going to Disney Land.

My mum has just left for work and I’m home alone to deal with the trick-or-treaters. What a night I’ve got planned. I’m turning the lights off, getting stoned and eating all the sweets myself.

My girlfriend was crossing a shallow stream, when suddenly she began to sink in to the muddy riverbed. Within seconds it was up to her neck. Forgetting everything I had been taught in my survival lessons, I used her head as a stepping stone.

“WORKFORCE IN ROAD – SLOW” Now I know it’s not rocket science but there’s no need to insult them.

My wife said she’s leaving me because of my obsession with the Internet. Worse than that my son Google agrees with her.

Feminists. If you hate men so much, why are you always trying to be like us?

I find it very difficult to talk to my broken umbrella. It never opens up.

I can’t believe how stupid that Post Office clerk was. He said that my parcel was too heavy and that I needed to put more stamps on it. Like that’s going to make it lighter.

A woman is breastfeeding her baby in the park when a man walks up to her and says: “Hey, by the way, your baby just invited me to dinner.”

My wife thinks I’m a quitter, I’ve had enough.