Category: statistics

Whenever I go with a new girl I like to measure how wide they can open their legs. I put the results on a spreadsheet.

Are you lazy? Well, Statistically 3,732,473,619 people don’t bother reading that number.

I’m right 97% of the time, so who cares about the other 4%?

I saw people drinking coffee in the service station at 2am. Do they not read road safety campaigns? 1/5 of accidents are caused by people falling asleep at the wheel. That means 4/5 are caused by people staying awake. Theyre the real killers.

Statistically… 9 out of 10 dyslexics enjoy a ‘pear’.

They say one in five friends lacks the creativity to make their own joke format.. Counts me out, I have no mates!

Statistically, 2 out of 3 people wonder where the 3rd person is.

They say one in five friends are alzheimer suffering murderers. I don’t know which one of my friends it is though, they’ve all gone missing recently.

9 out of 10 doctors agree that 10% of people with PhDs love to contradict their colleagues.

Its been announced that 1/9 people in the UK have no qualifications I’m guessing that’ll be the people under 16

At my last job interview, I told my interviewer that I plan to give 110%. Unfortunately, I was applying to be a statistician.

A lady on a train was reading a newspaper article about Life And Death Statistics. Fascinated, she turned to the man sitting next to her and said, “did you know that every time I breathe somebody dies?” “Really?” he said, “have you tried mouthwash?”

Apparently 66% of people don’t believe in fate. I suppose if you don’t believe in fate, That’s just the way it was meant to be.

Actually, i`m well aware of that statistic. Trouble is, my wife would be 1 of the 9..

85% of Sickipedians will think this statistic is made up.