Category: social networks

At our 5-a-side game today I totally sent the keeper the wrong way. I told him we were playing at home.

I love it when people “check in” to places on Facebook through their smart phones. It makes robbing their houses so much easier.

I hate it when people that I barely know try to add me on Facebook at 2.00 in the morning. From what I can work out, the only things we have in common are Insomnia and lack of a social life.

In honor of all the oil-soaked birds, Twitter have announced that ‘tweets’ are now called ‘gurgles’.

Recently, a lot of fat birds have been sending me friend requests on Facebook. I guess it’s high time that I removed that cake from my profile picture.

I posted on Facebook earlier ” my wife is my best mate” All my female friends were saying “oh that’s so sweet” etc etc. Its was only because she’d just put out a platter of sandwiches.. Calm down ladies.

Random Girls Status: I’m so ugly.. First comment: You spelt attention seeking wrong..

I read in the paper that a boy of 15 committed suicide after an horrendous bullying campaign on Facebook. Result.

So Voldermort took over the wizard world, turned half of the population into his followers, Can u imagine if he had a twitter account!

Facebook Event – Kiss An Asian Day Sure, I’ll attend. Just as a warning though, I’m from Glasgow. I can’t be held responsible if you don’t appreciate my kiss.

I hate it when couples have a little argument and the girlfriend changes her Facebook status to ‘single’. I mean, I have arguments with my parents all the time, you don’t see me changing my status to ‘orphan’.

My girlfriend is having a baby, I’m kind of hoping its going to be downs syndrome It might be a burden on me for its entire life, but It’ll get hundreds of ‘likes’ for every photo on Facebook.

Girls page on bebo – unless you are a weirdo, stalker or annoying, you will be blocked and deleted. Fire on lads.

You know you have no life when you start setting your msn status to ‘appear offline’, just to make it seem to your friends you actually have something better to do.

I’m trying my best to shake this annoying bird who keeps tweeting me.