Category: shopping

Tesco Self-Service Checkouts Making shoplifting ‘a mistake’ since 2008.

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I’ve just been to see the Tech Guys at PC world. I didn’t know until then that Tech is actually short for Technically Inept.

‘Hi there and welcome to Hollister! Would you like earplugs, a gas mask or a flashlight?’

Don’t bother wasting money on subscribing to expensive adult web sites or calling 0898 phone numbers. Just phone your local department store and ask them to describe their latest selection of ladies’ lingerie, while masturbating furiously.

I love the Buy One Get One Free offers that the supermarkets have on. I’m not greedy though, I just take the free one.

A stunning blonde, in breath taking extremely tight jeans is walking down the street. A guy, looking at her with his tongue on his shoes, asks her: ‘I’m very sorry, but I just need to know… How does one ever get in those pants? ‘Well’, she said, ‘you could start with offering me a drink…’

Posh Spice spent 20,000 on a crocodile handbag. Imagine wasting so much on a leathery old accessory. I’m sure David Beckham ends up asking himself the same question every day.

It doesn’t matter how old you are, you’ll always try and get your quid back by trying to bend the trolley chain round the bar.

There’s no need to go panic buying. You can create panic absolutely free by dressing up as a Paki and wearing a rucksack on the London Underground.

Does anyone ever buy items at full price from DFS?

I went to Morocco on holiday. I visited one of the markets and bought a toilet roll holder. Some call it extravagant, others slavery, but Mohammed loves his new job.

I was watching the TV with my nan when our numbers came up. She jumped up, and started screaming! She nearly gave herself a heart attack! That’s the last time I take her into Argos.

I like to dress my son up in a red and white T-shirt and then lose him in Sainsburys. It’s like real life Where’s Wally!

Me: Is it in yet? Girlfriend: No. Me: What about now? Girlfriend: No, uh, maybe we should try something else. Me: One last try. Girlfriend: No still not there. And that good people is why you should never take your girlfriend shoe shopping