Category: shopping

How many people, when shopping with their missus, just spend the whole time eyeing up other women? —— I usually insist on going to the kids department, ‘for our son’.

Queueing in Tescos is a lot like dating in my town. You wait ages for the spastic dribblers to get out of your way and have your turn, only to have your wallet cleaned out, your goods shoved in some flimsy old bag which splits at the first sign of stress!

I went to Games Workshop today. I wasn’t buying anything; I just wanted to watch the people who were to boost my self-esteem.

I was out shopping earlier when I saw a bag of oranges that said “These oranges are fair trade.” So, just to confuse the cashier, I bought some blood oranges too.

I was in the supermarket the other day and I saw this sign that said ‘2 for 1’ I thought to myself “ooh, trouble in the musketeers!”

Argos; The only thing it needs to sell to its customers is a New Gene Pool

In the 17th Century the ‘black market’ was a different thing all together.

Hi, Welcome to Abercrombie.. our sizes are: small, x-small, anorexic, bulimic, and Ethiopian.

Did you know you are now closer to a Tesco store than you are to a rat.

M&S are selling a new line of hold up stockings. They fit my head perfectly so Ill wear them when I hold up the local HSBC.

I went into Tesco’s earlier and brought 19.99 worth of shopping. I got to the till and paid with a 20 note. “Sorry, I’ve got no pennies” said the cashier. No change there then.

At my local supermarket we have to pay to park so everyone just gives each other their tickets if there is a reasonable amount of time left on them. I do the same but with out of date tickets. It makes my job as a traffic warden much more rewarding.

I’ve given up buying CD’s for life. I will only buy records from this day onwards. And that’s Vinyl.

Man commits suicide at grocery store. He opted for a self check out.

Whenever I walk into Aldi, I always check around to make sure noone I know has seen me going in, just because it’s so embaressing. I really should get a job somewhere else.