Category: shopping

They had a sale in my local butchers today, 2 rump steaks for 5. I asked “How much is one?” “One is 3.50” said the butcher . “OK, i’ll have the other one” I replied.

Whats the betting Amazon has database latency problems before today’s out.

I went into my local newsagents and I saw that he had put up a big sign saying, “NO READING IN THIS SHOP” I grabbed 4 bars of chocolate, took them to the counter and said, “Which of these is the Dairymilk?”

I got robbed in the corner shop today. They even had the cheek to say ‘Please’. Preceded by ‘3.80 for the milk’.

I wrote a letter to the Royal Mail complaining about their services. They didn’t receive it.

A man walks into a butchers and asks, “Do you have a sheeps head?” The butcher says, “No, it’s just the way I comb my hair.”

Good gag for next time you’re on an airplane and the fella next to you falls asleep: Ask the stewardess to borrow her demonstration mask, put it on and shake him awake with an alarmed look on your face.

I rang up the Home Shopping Network earlier. They said, “Can I help you?” To which I replied, “No thanks, I’m just looking.”

I got held up in traffic last night and arrived home about half an hour later than usual. By the time I got back the ground floor of my house had already been converted into a Tesco Express.

I was in the shop waving my hands at the shopkeeper, then I picked up some wine and signaled to him. He said, “Are you being served?” I said, “No, Last of the summer wine, but good guess.”

I Just went to a shoe shop and saw they had a special offer: BUY ONE ,GET ONE FREE Aren’t all shoes sold that way?

“80” my girlfriend shouted, “you’re only paying for a name.” “That is the point of the deed poll procedure” I replied.

I was outside Tesco yesterday when a woman came out with her arms full of shopping. Suddenly a big gust of wind blew her skirt up, showing she was not wearing any underwear. Dropping all the bags in an attempt to cover herself up, she looked at me and angrily said, “you’re certainly no gentleman” […]

I won 1000 to spend in Primark. I bought 25 shirts, 14 pairs of trousers, 6 pairs of trainers, 18 T-shirts and 10 hats. Now I’m not sure what to spend the remaining 920 on.

Why did the Electric Light Orchestra sell so many records in Leeds? Because people used to walk into the record shop and say… “Eee ello”