Category: shopping

Just been sacked from Asda for doing the stock take wrong. On the plus side, I have enough Oxo to last a lifetime.

Last night I took an E. The shop is now called ‘T SCO’

When being asked if I collect vouchers for schools at Tesco. Saying that you think you’re girlfriend collects them is probably not a great thing to say, but it does stop the stupid checkout operator talking to you.

‘Poundland – Everything for 1!’ What a scam! The other day when I brought everything to the checkout, the total came to 9,273.

Went shopping to Morrison’s today and they’ve introduced free, electric mobility scooters. What a fantastic idea… …I felt like I was on holiday in the States.

Wouldn’t it be funny if ASDA lost the price comparison test on the 52nd week?

People always say that Trident is too expensive. But I just bought a whole pack for 30p.

Welcome to your IKEA interview. Please build yourself a chair and sit down.

Now Crufts is sponsored by DFS, is it on all year?

Just had an email from Sainsbury’s with the subject “Did you know you could be going to the Paralympic Games?” Is this because I went to Waitrose yesterday? Who’s running Sainsbury’s now, the Kray twins?

‘The new Tesco app let’s you order from your iPhone’ Because iPhone users weren’t quite annoying enough.

I went to the chemist and asked, “Can I have a comb please?” The bloke said, “Do you wanna steel one?” “No,” I replied, “I’ve got money.”

M&S have added tampons to their Simply range. They’re called Simply Red

I find the saying ‘you are what you eat’ true. My ex-missus shops at Lidl, for instance, and she’s cheap, easy and you don’t really want people to know you’ve been there.

When people see me and my wife, they always think we’re so in love. I think it’s because we’re always holding hands. The thing is, if I let go, she shops.