Category: shopping

I’ve just received an email to say that I’ve won a 1000 shopping spree in waitrose. I’m so excited, I don’t know whether to buy 3 loafs of bread or 6 pints of milk.

I thought they’d started filming the sequel to Shaun Of The Dead on my local High Street at the weekend. Turns out it was just the queue for Poundland.

I bought a picture of the Virgin Mary off eBay today and it has an uncanny resemblance to a piece of Pepperoni Pizza.

I went into the general store today. They wouldn’t let me buy anything specific.

Shopping. That’s why dads don’t go to Iceland

I have noticed that customer service in America is a lot better than in Europe. I think this is because American businesses uphold the fundamental belief that the customer is… probably carrying a gun.

I was in Sainsburys when I saw the sign saying “try something new today”. So I did and went to Asda.

I’m fed up with shops that give false promises:- You can’t buy a curry at Currys You can’t buy boots at Boots And Superdrug has always been a big disappointment

I’ve decided to make my house more sellable by putting a Waitrose supermarket trolley in my front garden.

What’s really camp and hates blacks? Millets.

I can rob your supermarket without you knowing who I am. Or your money back…..

You can’t put a price on Happiness ….unless it’s the brand of washing powder called Happiness and you work as a shelf-stacker in Lidl’s

My butcher backed into his bacon slicer. He’s ok but he’s got a little behind with his orders.

In the days before money was invented, people used fruit and vegetables to pay for goods. That would be quite awkward if you wanted to purchase fruit and vegetables.

I’ve just noticed that lots of black people work at my local steel factory.