Category: science

Spent so long today trying to think of a good electricity joke my head hertz!

I see this morning that scientists have found a way of creating sperm. Many people have said, this could spell the end for men. However, until they create a machine to open the lid of the mint jelly, we are still in business.

No means No! (and nitrogen monoxide)

A lab worker accidentally dropped a chemical on his hand that caused his skin to sublimate. He was fuming.

A light year. Just like a regular year, but with fewer calories

I banged my Neon the Periodic Table.

Here lies the body of Little Willie, Alas, he is no more. For what he thought was H2O, Was H2SO4.

A new scientific study claims that women have an “inbuilt fear” of getting fat. In that case, I’d like to nominate my wife for a George Cross.

Its been announced that the world’s ‘lightest material’ has been unveiled by US engineers. Al Murray has been left wondering how they got the scripts for his shows.

The Higgs Boson. Ending awkward moments at supermarket checkouts since yesterday.

Scientists think that the more intelligent you are the worse your memory is. Might explain why my girlfriend can remember everything I’ve ever said.

So yet another successful day spent converting oxygen to carbon dioxide.

I have a medical condition which causes me to be hard-working, polite and intelligent. It is commonly known as ‘Being White.’

You take sodium, a highly reactive element that sets water on fire and chlorine gas, which breathing would most likely kill you faster than tempting to consume sodium, and you get table salt, a delicious seasoning that is inside everyone’s kitchen. Isn’t that ionic?

I had a threesome last night with two physicists. It was really awkward. They can’t solve the three-body problem.