Category: sayings

You know what they say: “Once you go black, your cancer is probably incurable.”

I worry about my 90 year old Nan. If she’s alone in the house, and falls over… …Does she make a sound?

“If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” Mimes must be the most hateful people on earth then.

“Never judge someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes.” Unless their shoes are Crocs.

My Down Syndrome son is going out trick or treating tomorrow. But he won’t be dressing up. Well I guess. ‘If you have it, flaunt it’

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

I was on cloud nine when I thought… I really should give my sheep better names.

You know what gets my goat? The vets van. Billy died earlier today.

They say ‘no news is good news’. Well, last year, my brother went on a 2 week backpacking holiday in Zimbabwe and we haven’t heard from him since. He must be having fun.

I love all the different words americans use for things, but frosting is the icing on the cake

Just woke my wife up by slapping the tops of her inner thighs. She hates me beating around the bush.

“Home is where the heart is” The police then took me back to my cell as the murder investigators went to my house.

My new doctor is a very attractive busty blonde. I have now given up eating apples.

Don’t judge people by the colour of their skin. Muslims can be white too you know.

It’s the thought that counts. Unless that thought came from a woman’s brain. Then it doesn’t.