Category: sayings

The saying “you are what you eat” is used a lot these days so am I right in thinking that if you tried eating a frenchman, you’d give up halfway?

I’ve just been hung out to dry by a money launderer.

I’m no good with words so decided to “Say It With Flowers” I had a lovely bouquet delivered to my wife at work with a note attached telling her I’d accidentally burnt the house down. Thanks Interflora.

I’ve spent my money wisely since I won the lottery. I’ve employed MC Hammer to guard the TV remote from the wife.

An optimist stays up to see the New Year in, but a pessimist waits to make sure the old one leaves.

Give a man a fishing rod and you’re a mug – could’ve got fifty quid for that!

To cut a long story short… I’ll never win author of the year

“The pen is mightier than the sword.” Oh yeah, when was the last time a Muslim beheaded someone using a Parker?

Things are often described as being the “size of Wales” Cardiff women, for example.

No one likes a show off. I’d kill them all with my bare hands.

Real men don’t cheat. Although Ronaldo does dive a lot.

My best childhood memory was falling asleep on the couch and waking up in bed thinking.. “Wow, I can teleport”.

To anyone unable to see a light at the end of the tunnel , I say be patient. And stay out of tunnels.

I had a flute recital today. I blew it.

My son was about to jump off a building because I’d never given him any advice. I said “Luke, before you leap…”