Category: sayings

The first man to say ‘a Dog is a man’s best friend’, probably had no friends.

My friend had a fit of rage at me for copying his jungle themed bookmarks. I only took a leaf out of his book.

He said I could have “whatever floats your boat”, so I asked for a lake.

There’s nowt as queer as folk… unless you’re Louie Spence.

Its not true what they say. Some problems do go away if you just ignore them. Like my wife.

I got offered a job in a wine factory today. I think I’ll mull it over.

You are what you eat I don’t remember eating a paedophile recently..

Bulimics. Giving themselves a second bite of the cherry.

The new soundtrack to Microsoft Word It’s a key tapper

My old gran used to say, “You don’t miss what you never had” What if you fell in a lake and never had swimming lessons?

How long before this ‘Original Author’ gets abused?

I ran over a pheasant on the way to work the other day, cut it right down the middle. It wasn’t sport, but it’s definitely a game of two halves.

There’s an old saying, “Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day, but give him a fishing rod and he’ll eat forever.” It was in this spirit that I gave the local winos some grapes.

If you lay down with dogs, you’ll come up with fleas. Or an Asbo from the RSPCA in my case.

I told my girlfriend I’m hoping we’ll hear the pitter patter of tiny feet very soon. I don’t think she’s going to be quite as excited when she finds out i’ve aranged a threesome with a dwarf