Category: sayings

I gave my wife some potatoes, mince and vegetables yet all she did was moan! She made a right meal of it.

It takes 2 to tango. Unless you’re stronger ?

Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay in it, the more wrinkled you get.

Laugh and the whole world laughs with you… Cry and you look like a poof.

Good things come to those who… (Will post rest of joke in 1 year)

” Necessity is the Mother of Invention ” , …What an Immaculate Conception !

Whoever said, “What goes up, must come down”, can’t have ever encountered my wife’s knickers.

I was in Asda this afternoon, and picked up a copy of The Complete Fast Show on DVD for a tenner. Which was nice.

Some people say that friends are overrated. It’s usually the gingers.

I quit my job as it’s really boring. I spend ages trying to name a 24 hour period. In the end I called it a day.

My two mates asked me to stand in the cupboard while they discussed something important. I don’t know why they’re keeping me in the dark.

Grandad used to say One man’s terrorist is another mans freedom fighter, I say one man’s terrorist is another mans shopkeeper!.

apparently “better late than never” is not a good thing to say to the teacher when picking your son up 2 days late from school

When you say to a woman; heaven must be missing an angel. Are you not just saying you should be dead politely?

The Government is to “Lend a hand” to banks. The customers at the sperm bank will be relieved.