Category: sayings

Red sky at night – light of shorter wavelengths is being dissipated by water vapour and atmospheric dust. Red sky in the morning… Same.

A friend of mine, wants to add some danger to his juggling routine. I think he’s starting to play with fire.

“See a penny and pick it up, and all the day you’ll have good luck”, Said the Jew.

It doesn’t matter if someone’s around to hear it when a tree falls down or not; there’s always a little bark.

So far I’ve hit an old lady, a young boy that was making a sand castle and a fit blonde that was sunbathing. I live just a stones throw from the beach.

`I don’t know what I saw in you, I must have been drunk.’ `You still are. That’s why I have asked for some anaesthetic and another surgeon. ‘

D eliberately U sing P eoples L ines I s C heating A nd T otally E nrages S ickipedians

I’ve discovered a new compound that needs to be added to the periodic table. Its made up of B, O and O. Its the element of surprise.

They say a picture is worth a thousand words, yet the guy at the gallery wouldn’t trade me a painting for my newspaper.

I’m growing tired of my Rohypnol dependence.

My grandfather used to always say “Slow and steady wins the race” He died in a fire

My wife came in with a huge smirk on her face and said to our guests,”Oh my god can you believe Dave reckons these vases he made are unbreakable” waving them in front of her. I went,”Oh just drop it would ya.”

Just heard that my psychic mate’s grandmother has died. My thoughts are with him.

My brother’s taking his debt collectors exam tomorrow, I told him to break a leg.

I have a fetish for watching fat women getting pushed down the stairs. The bigger they fall, the harder I come.