Category: sayings

North, East, South, West. An excellent way to remind yourself never to eat shredded wheat.

Confucius say: Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.

Revision is impossible. Beat that Adidas.

I’ve just heard a new song called Lead, by Example.

” Any bloke can have a child but it takes a REAL MAN to be a dad ” It’s true you know, blokes tend to be stronger than children, they’re easily overpowered so you really do have your pick of the bunch. Dunno about the other bit…

‘If you remember the 1960’s, you probably weren’t there.’ Strangely, if you don’t remember the 1960’s, there’s also a good chance you weren’t there.

‘A problem shared is a problem halved.’ Unless you share it with 6,000,000 people. Then it goes from ‘A problem’ to ‘The Holocaust’.

I got stabbed yesterday because I wouldn’t give the mugger my watch. The policeman asked me “why didn’t you just hand it over to him?”…. I replied “I’d never give a black person the time of day!”

They say you can’t judge a book by it’s cover. True of my local library. I changed all the sleeves around.

A wise man once said to me “Never have any doubts.” So I pushed him off a cliff, and I was right; I doubted he’d survive.

It was only when I saw the hole in the boat for myself when it really sunk in.

I unveiled my invention on Dragons Den last night to some puzzled looks. “This is my un-manned, all terrain army vehicle that’s ten years in the making and cost me one million pounds to develop.” Deborah Meaden said, “It will never work, it looks ridiculous, and why is it in the shape of a brain?” […]

Ever since I can remember I’ve always been a thief. I take after my father.

I’ve invented a more efficient whisk It’s causing quite a stir.

I can never concentrate on anything unless I give my body a little shake but have no idea why. I shudder to think.