Category: sayings

Following Government cuts, please note that on Christmas Day in the morning you will only see two ships come sailing in.

Those who can, do. Those who can’t, make snide remarks about those who can.

They say ‘One swallow does not make a summer’. If you knew my wife, then I beg to differ.

Behind every successful woman there is a bloke who has just told her how to do it 3 times.

I keep losing my Tom-Tom,which leaves me wondering…

Who ever has their cake and doesn’t eat it?

Why is it always a half-naked body? Why not a half-clothed body? Some people are too negative.

My girlfriend has told me my constant masturbating is becoming an issue. I’ve got tissues for my issues.

People always say to me, “You need to think outside the box!”… Which is not easy when you’re an agoraphobic tramp.

My wife has just been sacked from the jigsaw factory. She’s in pieces.

My Kitchen appliances are involved in a bitter race row. Apparently it all started when the pot called the kettle black.

I tried to teach my grandmother how to suck eggs, I gave up when I could not get the lid off her coffin.

I’ve started stealing young horses. A foal and his mummy are easily parted.

I’d quite like to open a cannabis cafe in Amsterdam, but it’ll never happen. It’s just a pipe dream.

“Only the good die young” It’s the only reason my mother in law is still with us.