Category: sayings

My wife is just like a broken record player. She’s been in a bin bag at the tip for the last 30 years.

Who said political correctness was counter productive? “Ethnic cleansing” – Making genocide sound like a good thing since 1994!

My last slave died from asking rhetorical questions.

I think ‘Step on a crack, break your mothers back’ is true. Being a 20 stone man, I stepped on my frail old mothers crack and her back definitely broke.

“I wasn’t born yesterday..” Said the Miscarriage.

A fool and his money are often to be found crying into their England shirt in South Africa.

If you only see one film this year, you probably don’t like watching films very much.

They used to say that life begins at 40. Now they say that there’s an 80% chance you’ll die.

Return flights. They take me back.

My wife loves cake & it’s true what they say.. ‘Love makes the girl go round’

I bought a canary but after a few weeks it was getting really big so I took it to the vets. I was shocked when he said, “It looks like someone has been giving it steroids.” You could have knocked me down with a feather.

Electric Razors; the best thing since sliced beard.

If at first you don’t succeed, call it third time lucky. That way at least you won’t be deemed a failure quite so soon

They say romance is dead. My blind wife and her Haribo ring would beg to differ.

I’ve got a pessimistic advent calendar this year. When one door opens, another one closes.