Category: sayings

There’s no “I” in team but there are 5 in individual brilliance.

My motto in life is ‘third time lucky’. Which is probably why I didn’t make it as a heart surgeon.

Always look on the dark side of life It’s much easier on the eyes

People who say “It’s better to have loved and lost” clearly don’t understand the rules of tennis.

My girlfriend’s like a parking ticket. She’s got “fine” written all over her. She fell asleep and I had a marker pen.

I tell you who I don’t get. Big breasted, blonde nymphomaniacs with bags of cocaine knocking on my door.

To say the least, .

‘Crime never pays’ Unless of course, you steal money.

My dad threw my drum kit from the third floor window so I’m off to the hardware to buy some glue. If you can’t beat them,join them.

Pain is just nature’s way of telling you to take more heroin.

Grab your Deep Heat,you’ve pulled a muscle.

They say opposites attract. If that is true, I should be with a slim super-model, who is great in bed.

My wife is so paranoid she thinks “Internet Banking” is my own private rhyming slang! Although in fairness, I did use the term to explain why I had a 35 minute shower.

My old man used to say “When in Rome do as the Romans do…” That was just before he got locked up in an Italian prison for murdering 20,000 Christians.

I don’t understand the purpose of the line, “I don’t need to drink to have fun.” Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they’ve invented the lighter?