Category: sayings

Some random bloke just handed me a piece of masonry. I thought, “that’s a bit off the wall.”

My gran always used to say that, “No news is good news.” No surprise that she was soon sacked from her job as a journalist.

Theres no smoke without fire Me and my smoke machine beg to differ.

They say guys like girls who are exactly like their mothers. That’s certainly true for my girlfriend. She’s dead.

Give a Nigerian a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to phish and he will eat for the rest of his life.

No one ever seems to disappears into fat air.

Quite often I just go into the street tuck myself into a ball and do roly-polys all the way to the corner. Sorry, if that seems too urban for you guys but that’s the way I roll.

As I said before, I never repeat myself.

If you can’t beat them, join them. And that’s why i’ve gone to the hospital to stay with my wife.

I’ve invented a new Jet that has the ability to travel on water without the need for Fuel. I just need to find out a way to build it, and the rest is plane sailing

An apple a day means NHS cutbacks.

You know that old saying “Don’t mix business with pleasure” …. That’s my dream of becoming a gynaecologist out of the window!!

I was brought up to respect my elders so if an old man gives me 100 thinking I’m his nephew, then by God I’ll respect that decision.

I’m trying to stop saying “That’s what she said” after everything my wife says. It’s quite hard.

I saw two Chinese blokes dressed up trying to pretend to be Mark from TOWIE. They were useless at it. It just renforced the fact that two Wong’s dont make a Wright.