Category: sayings

Cocaine, God’s way of telling you that you earn too much

It’s all fun and games until someone loses an eye. Then it’s still all fun and games, just without depth perception.

The line most commonly used by cancer victims: Hair today, gone tomorrow!

Life is like a box of chocolates, It’s only when it’s nearly over you realise it was a mistake ever sharing it with someone

“In for a penny, in for a pound,” she said. It was at that point that I realised the girls in the brothel would be pretty rough.

I took part in a worst manicure contest last night. The finish was nail biting.

Life is like eating a box of chocolates. Hard if you have no arms.

I was rushing around like a mad thing and someone shouted “More haste, less speed.” I went to my dealer and he’d never heard of “haste”.

i’de like to say im , “down with the kids” but realistically there down on me.

I had a one night stand with a stewardess on a budget airline last night. Easy come easy go.

Simon Weston got really upset and started crying when I told him my joke about burns victims. Guess I must have hit a cooked nerve.

What’s a coat? You’ve pulled a Geordie.

“These shoes are killing me!” Screamed my mate on mushrooms before taking his own life.

The oldest saying that I know is, “laughter is the best medicine”. It was obviously written before the discovery of alcohol.

Sticks and stones may break my bones. So, please don’t hit me with sticks and stones.