Category: sayings

“What do we want?” “Rhetorical questions!” “When do we want them?” …

I can tell my wife’s running out of excuses to leave me. Earlier she accused me of having a tree obsession. That old chestnut

With all this unrest in Europe I have decided to learn German. You know what they say ‘Third time lucky!!’

My old man used to have a saying… “If it bleeds, butcher it” His job with St. Johns Ambulance didn’t last long….

I’ve just returned from a holiday in Ireland. It wasn’t all it was craiced up to be.

‘With great power comes a great electricity bill.’

Why did the clock phone the ruler? Because desperate times call for desperate measures….

I took a few steps in the right direction today… But then I quickly backtracked as I realised the pub was in the left direction.

I always make sure that I won’t scald myself in the bath by dipping a baby’s elbow in beforehand.

Vanity is a sin. Whoever invented vanity should take a good look in the mirror.

I was sitting at the bus stop this morning when this midget girl took a seat next to me and started telling me the latest celebrity gossip and some interesting facts I thought to myself,”this must be the little bird everyone gets their information from”

Sticks and stones may break my bones but guns are more effective.

Walked down to the beach earlier The coast was clear

I hate those sayings that use examples to emphasise how bad they are. They’re as much use as a pedal-powered wheelchair!!

A woman came up to me and asked, “Have you got change for a ten?” I said, “Here’s 20p, but you’re a six at best.”