Category: sayings

A loving smile from my wife is like sunshine on a rainy day. Nowhere to be seen.

What came first the chicken on the egg? Well it’s obviously the egg. When have you ever had chicken for breakfast?

My wife’s just nipped out. She really needs to get a new bra.

I like my women how I like my exploded nuclear power plants Under tonnes of concrete.

The wife really let her hair down last night. She dyed it ginger.

My wife has always said that what you don’t know can’t hurt you. We’ll soon see about that, she doesn’t know I’ve cut her brakes.

I’ll tell you what sorts the men out from the boys. Paedophilia.

Girl of 15 killed by 16 year old by repeatedly bashing a rock against her head for a free breakfast. Who says you cant get blood from a stone.

Diamonds are a girl’s best friend and a dog is a man’s best friend. Unlucky, ladies – I know which one I’d prefer to slip on my finger.

One thing I leant today … Making the comment, “Ah! Well. You win some, you lose some.” Turns you into a social pariah at a funeral.

I agree with those who believe soldiers and footballers should swap wages. Those brave men deserve it and as Accrington Stanley’s third choice keeper I offer my support.

My wife and I have a love / hate relationship. She loves me. I hate her.

No one likes to be taken for a mug. So I’m going into hospital to have the handle removed from my side, as a precaution.

Did you know, if you took all of the obese people from England & all of the obese people from America & put them in one place, that place would be Disneyland.

“Their are plenty more fish in the sea”. Then why is it that as soon as I get my tackle out in public I seem to get arrested?