Category: sayings

I was paralyzed for two weeks after an accident and let me tell you,it was no walk in the park.

I’m throwing a party for all shapes apart from regular quadrilaterals. Be there or be square.

You know how they say, “You end up looking like your pets”? Well, I reckon my wife is hiding a pet hippo from me.

My dad would always say “Don’t put all your eggs in one basket” Which is probably why we lost the easter egg hunt.

While visiting a friend who was in the hospital, I noticed several pretty nurses, each of whom was wearing a pin designed to look like an apple. I asked one nurse what the pin signified. ‘Nothing,’ she said with a smile. ‘It’s just to keep the doctors away.’

They say no pain no gain… Didn’t work when my Uncle lost his leg…

I was just lying in bed with my new girlfriend and she said she wished I was bigger downstairs. I don’t know what she means. Mines bigger than the average living room.

This has to be the best day of the year so far!

If at first you don’t succeed, find out where she lives.

An obnoxious American told me how proud he was to be living in a free country. I told him you get what you pay for.

Friends are like potatoes: if you eat them, they die.

I thought I was being followed earlier. Looking back, I wasn’t.

I always eat lots of fruit to stay healthy but I don’t like apples and pears. That’s why I eat oranges in my ground floor flat.

My girlfriend broke a mirror. “That’s forty-nine years bad luck,” I said. “Don’t you mean seven?” she asked. “No. That mirror belonged to my dog.”

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but Jews will never hurt me.