Category: sayings

People say that every dog has its day. How right they are. We got a dog for Christmas, got bored with it and had it put down on Boxing Day.

Whoever said “Behind every great man is a great woman” has obviously never seen the trailer for Human Centipede.

People think I’m weird because I’m addicted to laxatives. But really I’m just a regular guy.

Incompetence is officially at its lowest level since records were lost.

Personally, I don’t understand why you’d keep your sewing kit in a haystack in the first place.

My grandad used to say “Take everything in life with a pinch of salt”. He died from dehydration.

I have a kinky fetish for weather conditions. Blowing a gale outside.

My heart goes out to people waiting for organ donations.

Who exactly is ‘deadly serious’ and why is everyone trying to impersonate him?

An ex turned up from 10 years ago and said she wanted to be a suicide bomber. Talk about a blast from the past.

I couldn’t sleep last night, so I tried counting sheep! all that did was make it harder, half an hour later I was still awake but now in a cold field surrounded by sheep!

If God blessed the American Dollar so much, how come he sold it to the Chinese?

TEIAM – problem solved

Try as I may, I can’t find a woman who’d touch me with a 10 foot barge pole. Then again, it is a bit of an unusual request.

I had to tell a prisoner on death row, that I still didn’t know what time he was to hang. “Ah well”, he said, “No noose is good noose”.