Category: sayings

I saw a suicide bomber blow herself up earlier and the emergency services brushed her up into a nice little neat pile at the side of the road. I’ve got to say, she was bang tidy!

My motto is “It is better to have half a motto than.”

I’ve been trying to buy a deaf sheepdog for 18 months now, and finally I managed to purchase one today. They’re very hard to come by.

When In Rome…. ….Rape the Pope to restore balance.

I’ve been thinking about getting my wife a present for her birthday. I’ve heard that counts.

The little wheel on my mouse… That’s how i scroll.

Apparently you can’t have your cake and eat it too. Try telling that to an American…

Since I stopped blowing my own trumpet, I’ve become the world champion at hide and seek.

My Grandad always used to say, ‘Every day above ground is a good day’. He wasn’t an optimist, he was a very depressed coalminer.

I just seen the headline: “Baby’s body found at waste site.” I spose its just as the saying goes; ‘One mans rubbish is another mans treasure’.

Spending Valentines Day in prison has taught me one thing, “It’s better to give than receive”.

BBC News : ‘Public dig deep for Pudsey Bear.’ About 6 feet should do it.

Twitter is like internet autism. You start out thinking you’re going to be as popular as everyone else, but by the end of it you’re talking to yourself.

My wife recently auditioned for cinderella in a pantomime and asked me if I thought she would get the part. I said, “Hey, if the shoe fits”.

Money can’t buy you happiness. But it can buy you drugs. Lots and lots of drugs.