Category: sayings

Good Girls bend at the knees. Bad Girls bend at the waist.

Sometimes in life you just have to hold your hands up. Especially during armed robberies.

Fat People: They’ve had more hot meals than I’ve had hot meals.

You know that look women give you when they want you? Nah, me either.

How does James Bond like to keep his facial hair? Shaven not furred.

‘Pride cometh before the fall’ It’s usually ten pints and a kebab does it to me.

I’m not a poet, And I know that…

How many mechanics does it take to change a Lightbulb?.. About 70…Judging by the amount they charge you.

What’s the definition of “Meat ‘n’ two veg”? Having a rendevouz with a couple of disabled people.

My grandfather said to me, “You never know what’s going to happen next” Right before he was attacked by a Down syndrome sufferer wielding a pink baseball bat.

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Who ever thought this one up obviously hasn’t heard the whole ‘give a man a fish’ thing, because surely the answer is: grow a lemon tree.

People who live in crack houses shouldn’t throw rocks.

The early bird catches the worm. Good luck to him, I’m having a bacon sandwich.

Mr grandad used to say “Never look a gift horse in the mouth” Which is probably why my pony died from gum disease.

“People tell me that my personality is divided. I don’t think so, but maybe it is.”