Category: sayings

“You know how sometimes you get a song stuck in your head and can’t get it out? OK, now imagine the song is a tumour.” –Insensitive Doctor

You know you have been spending too much time on Sickipedia when you hear “a finger of fudge is just enough to give your kids a treat” and your mind starts to wonder.

At the end of a recent tour of the Blue Peter studios, the guide said “…and that concludes our tour. I’m off to pick up my wife now, she was the partially sighted cleaner we met.” I said “I don’t remember her.” “Sure you do” he said, “she was the one eyed maid earlier.”

I realized the ball was in my court, so I decided to sit down and have a think about it. That’s when I got thrown out of Wimbledon.

I brought a giant ladle with a picture of the union jack on it into the Indian restaurant where I work. It caused quite a stir.

“Sort of” is such a harmless thing to say. Sort of. It’s just a filler. Sort of – it doesn’t realy mean anything. But after certain things, sort of means everything. Like after “I love you” or “You’re going to live” or “it’s a boy”.

If I had a pound for everytime I said “Why me”, I would probably say “Why me” more often.

They say in Norwich: “You can choose your friends but you can’t choose your wife.”

Be Alert The world needs more lerts

Are you Omniscient? Did you have to look that word up? Then no, you’re not.

They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but us bee keepers are a lot less popular with the ladies than you might think!

If men say, “There are plenty more fish in the sea”, do women say, “There are plenty more fisherman”?

People have always told me I’d end up working in Tesco & I must have believed it, ‘cos now I do. My mate says it’s a shelf-for-filling prophecy.

I’ve been very down to earth since losing my pilot license.

There is no such thing as gravity, the world just sucks.