Category: sayings

Our family never talked about incest, actions spoke louder than words.

Did you here about the dentist who married a manicurist? 2 weeks later they were fighting tooth and nail.

My Granddad always used to tell me that it’s not the winning, it’s the taking part. Then again, he is German.

I’ve just come back from a diving holiday in Egypt. It cost me an arm and a leg.

the greatest lies of all time: I love you This wont hurt a bit its in the mail I was going to call you I swear I wont come in your mouth of course I will respect you in the morning I’m from the goverment, and I’m here to help you

I’m giving away my chimney for nothing on eBay. It’s on the house.

I’ve just seen a lesbian beating her partner… you can tell who wears the dungarees in their relationship.

Once you go Asian, you get disappointed and return to Caucasian.

My mum says I need to tackle my Gephyrophobia. I told her I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.

A woman’s success is directly proportional to how wide her legs will spread.

My mate took a tumble the other day. I don’t know how he managed it, but he needed something to dry his clothes in.

We all want that shiny red apple, but sometimes we have to settle for what`s on the lower branch, or in some cases we take what`s lying on the ground.

My mate who works for the RSPCA was telling me about a new scheme that they have set up to counter animal cruelty. Apparently anyone who is cruel to animals is forced to do work for them. Ironic how they killed two birds with one stone like that.

They say breakfast is the most important meal of the day. That’s why I don’t get out of bed until the kebab shop opens.

My friend told me, “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.” So I lobbed a dictionary at his head – that showed him.