Category: sayings

My cat’s got worms. Now we’ll see just how cunning that Early Bird really is.

“2 is company, 3’s a crowd” Noah explained to the animals.

What is the name of the compound where OH group is directly attached to an alkyl radical ? Yes , sometimes alcohol is the answer.

I tried to get Margaret Thatcher to have a lesbian fling once… But she wasn’t for turning.

Visited a fortune teller yesterday and it really didnt go too well. Got chased down the road with her screaming after me. Could have sworn she said Cross my palm with saliva.

Slinky: it really puts a spring on your step

Im sick and tired of having the flu and insomnia.

“Have Faith” And if she’s any good, have her again.

Why do people say stuff is ‘the best thing since sliced bread’? There are plenty things better, and it wouldn’t kill us if we had to slice it ourselves would it?

‘Variety is the spice of life’ Apparently a poor excuse for cheating on my wife numerous times.

Ladies: Arrive alive. Don’t nag your husband whilst he’s driving.

When people talk about gravity it always brings me down.

I saw a frozen metal pole and wrote on it the reason why I do bad things. Then my perversions took hold of me and I just couldn’t help but lick it. Thats my excuse and I’m sticking to it.

My life is ‘sound as a pound’ at the minute. I’m probably going to kill myself.

I left my wife at the beauty clinic as I told her I would pay for it as a birthday treat but when I returned I asked the beautician “What’s the damage then?’ “Irreparable” She replied