Category: sayings

They say you can’t run away from your problems. Well, I don’t know, my wife is pretty large….

After a five year feud, my brother and I have finally settled the score. Stupid row over just 20 quid really.

My new house is very small which is great news for my cat.

I sold a schoolboy a pencil case, protractor and a fountain pen on eBay today. I threw in a ruler for good measure.

There is a crazed, murderous doctor on the loose. I’m eating an apple a day.

My friend said that you should always judge a man by the contents of his heart, not by the colour of his skin. It still ended up with the same result though; me cutting up lots of black people.

“One door closes, and another door opens” said my boss. Which is why I’m such a poor submarine designer.

A man was crushed in South Africa when a diamond mine tunnel collapsed. Talk about being caught between a rock and a hard place.

I can see why geeks regard Stephen Hawking as a God. He does move in mysterious ways.

I used to think outside the box. Now i just make the box bigger.

I wouldn’t give tuppence for people who use colloquialisms.

I’m told women hate their men to be ‘all show and no trousers’. Odd. That’s exactly how I like my women.

Barbers. You got to take your hat off.

If I ever win the lottery… I’ll be amazed, because I don’t play it.

i actually ran over a cat today……9 times!…just to be sure!!