Category: sayings

My power’s been off for the last couple of days even though my bills are up to date. Unfortunately EDF’s been keeping me in the dark as to why exactly.

“When God closes a door, he opens a window.” Clearly, God doesn’t plan on holidaying in Portugal.

“It’s all smoke and mirrors …” I thought, after my budgie’s cage caught fire.

They used to say that great story telling was to start at the end. Once upon a time.

If a tree falls in a forest and no-one is around, is the deforestation problem really that bad?

How many cliches does it take to change a lightbulb?

Money talks… Thought the Schizophrenic.

Me and my girlfriend spend most of our time together sharing selection boxes of chocolates. But it’s not all roses.

If you can make just one person’s day a little brighter… you’re probably not a very good electrician.

I’ve started spraying hairspray on my moustache. People always tell me I need a stiff upper lip.

Wise old saying: Girls who use their heads can stop the population explosion.

They say that no news is good news. Which means I’ve got a ton of job interviews lined up.

Women! You give them an inch, they run off and have an affair.

Gouging It’s all fun and games until someone doesn’t lose an eye.

I’ve got a kitchen sink for sale, 50. Would suit anyone who has everything.