Category: sayings

It’s only my vertigo that stopped me climbing the ladder to success.

I’ve decided to name my son ‘Island’ just to prove the saying wrong.

The phrase it’s as easy as taking candy from a baby is not true as there’s normally parents there to stop you So let’s just change It to it’s as easy as taking a child from a hotel room in Portugal

‘Out with the old and in with the new’ has always been one of my mottos in life. And that’s why there’s about 64 dead elderly patients in the grounds of my nursing home.

Good things come to those who wait. Unless you worked in a restaurant in the Twin Towers.

“bigger is better” no fatty, not in your case.

My dad put all his trust in me when I took over his gasket business but I blew it.

What doesn’t kill you makes you older.

The advantage of being clever is that you can pretend to be dumb. The opposite is more difficult.

I’ll never forget the time I crossed a dyslexic mafia boss. I ended up on a boat full of narcoleptics holding a fishing rod & net. That night I was fishing with the sleepy’s.

“There’s still life in the old dog yet.” I said dumping my neighbours crippled, half conscious dog on their porch after hitting it with my car.

I don’t know how, but so many people seem to know my Uncle Bob.

30 days in September, April, June and November. No it’s not. It’s 120.

Why is it only my wife who tells me that “it’s the little things in life that matter”?

I slept like a baby last night. To be honest, I am only 2