Category: sayings

A woman is like a game of pool. It’s game over once the black’s gone in.

I’ve just finished building Rome with my kid’s Lego. Took me a day.

It’s well worth remembering that while the saying goes “The pen is mightier than the sword” strictly speaking this is only true if said pen is from the ‘Q’ range.

After years of nagging, I finally put the Gary Speed wallpaper up in my son’s room. As my wife said, it’s not going to hang its self.

They say attack is the best form of defence. Although I’m not completely sure that I needed to ‘defend’ myself against that 80 year old disabled woman.

Apparently, “third time lucky” isn’t what you should say when someone asks, “Are you happy with your second wife?”

As my old grandad used to say: “A person who has never made a mistake has never been married”

Honesty may be the best policy. But insanity is a better defence.

If anyone tells you South Africa is a good place to go on holiday, don’t believe them.. It’s a Durban myth.

Does “I love you like a brother” mean the same thing in Mississippi?

I was at a very awkward party last night in an Igloo. I tried to break the ice, but it just made things worse.

I said to my housemate, “I saw your better half earlier.” “Oh really?” she replied, “Did he come round here?” “No” I explained, “I mean I was watching through the keyhole when you got out of the shower.”

As a kid I never got on with my mother very well In fact, I made a point of stepping on every crack in the pavement.

First thing’s first. As opposed to when, exactly?

My motto is “Never say never.” Which makes it difficult to tell people my motto.