Category: sayings

“Loose lips sink ships” I don’t know about that, but they certainly took down a load of seamen.

Fool me once, shame on me… Fool me twice, shame on me… Fool me 3 times… Yeah, this alzheimers is worse then I first thought.

I once said to my son, ‘You never get anything in life for free’. He laughed at me and said, ‘What about that piece of advice you idiot!’ So I went over and took his wheelchair.

‘Beauty is only skin deep’ Unless you find internal organs attractive.

For want of a better word I do not have the vocabulary to complete this sentence.

I’ve been in negotiations with suppliers over sushi prices and we’ve finally been able to compromise to an expensive price. In the end I got a raw deal.

Revenge is a dish best served cold or in other words bachelor food.

Saying “whoever smelt it dealt it” doesn’t work when it comes to airport sniffer dogs, apparently.

Christmas is certainly in the air. I guess my kids’ presents burned real good then.

The wife always says, “Treat others as you would like to be treated by them.” And yet when I slip my hand in her best mates knickers, I’m in the wrong…

I hate to say it but my wife was right. I was the death of her.

A man walks into a casino, and sits down at the poker table. As the bets are beginning to be taken, the man suddenly notices two cows, smoking weed in the corner. He abruptly stands up and starts to leave, another player says “Hey man, where are you going, we’ve just started!” The man turns […]

‘Love thy neighbour as thyself.’ Which is why I feel the need to allow my neighbours to listen to my music when I do.

“The postman always rings twice.” …A year if he works for Royal Mail.

My dad recently had a stroke. He’s coming around and finally starting to see the funny side of it.