Category: sarcasm

Sky Sports News Channel is changing its name to Daily Sport News. That way, no one will be in any doubt what the channel is actually for.

Sarcasm, the lowest form of wit? I was always under the impression it was Jim Davidson

For 10 years I suffered from “Locked in syndrome”, until I finally found a cure. Divorce.

A ginger with friends? Yes Chesney, you really are ‘The One And Only’.

MP Sir Menzies Campbell said: “This tragic accident is yet another reminder of the risks which our service men and women have to face every day.” Shouldn’t we be reminding the pilots not to be aiming for hills?

My son has just got his degree in English medieval literature. Just have to wait for the job offers to start rolling in now!

The guy who killed Bin Laden will win at small talk for the rest of his life. “You’re a realtor? Cool. I shot Bin Laden in the face.”

I just answered the phone to a market researcher and he said, “Good morning sir. Is it possible to speak with Mrs Jennings?” “She’s gone out”, I replied. “When would be the best time to call and speak to her?”, he asked. I said, “When she’s in” and put the phone down.

Walked in the kitchen to see my dog at his water bowl earlier today. So I quickly ran up and tried giving him a good shafting from behind. Before I could stop him he turned and bit me on the hand. He can give it but he can’t take it.

The Fosters advert shows Brits asking two Aussies for social advice. Surely that’s like asking a homeless person for advice about mortgages.

Nothing turns me on more than the thought of seeing my wife in fishnets… …Getting dragged along the bottom of the seabed, drowning.

Wife: “It’s started snowing outside” Husband: “Good. I hate it when it snows inside”.

I hate it when I don’t forward chain mail and I die the next day.

Unlike most men I can see beyond a womans personality and can fancy her on looks alone…

I’m planning to spend the whole of next week camping out in the grounds of a cathedral with some mates. We’re going to smoke a few joints, drink flasks of tea, sing a few songs and just hang out. If that doesn’t smash Western capitalism and bring down the fat cat bankers then I don’t […]